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July 7, 2012
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I don't really know if tomorrow we'll stand
I don't wanna know if today we're bad
Anyway I feel good with you
And everything is colorful around us

I see a strange glow shining on your eyes
I feel a wave bumping down up my body
Your lips rip into a smile
And mine gets closer, so they can be one

(Chorus)
I'm not the kind of guy to write love songs
I'm not the kind of person who says "I love you"
You're that kind of guy that couldn't turn me on
So who can tell me why I shiver when you're gone?

I used to think I was good with words
I've imagined a million ways to say how I do
When it comes to you I lost all senses
And all I can feel is the power of your voice

Many times before I could say "I hate you"
But many times before I thought "that's not true"
Wish I could find a way to prove you all this
But I'm no good with this kind of thing

So I hope you trust me

(Chorus)
I'm not the kind of guy to write love songs
I'm not the kind of person to say "I love you"
You're that kind of guy that couldn't turn me on
So who can tell me why I shiver when you're gone?

I know the day will come
And we won't go home alone
And I know that day may not come
But while I can I'll dream of you
:icongabrielcavalcante:
I'm feeling damn musical lately and this came out. Yeah, I'm not trying to be cute. I'm really bad with words, more when it comes to love... Wish I have written that social song I was thinking about :'(

And yeah, this is for Jared.

P.S.: I'm no good with melodies too. I thought of one for this song, but I'll surely forget it :) And if not, well, hope someday a great (not famous, great) singer sing it :D
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:iconhs11:
*HS11 Jul 8, 2012  Professional Filmographer
your english i superb :) and well written expression :w00t: ;)
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:icongabrielcavalcante:
~GabrielCavalcante Jul 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:3 Thx
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:iconhs11:
*HS11 Jul 8, 2012  Professional Filmographer
your welcome :)
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:iconsynmor:
=Synmor Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Not a bad start, maybe go back over and double check your words a bit (Seriously, I'm not trying to be cute here either. I know what the title of the song is!! lol).

Second stanza "..shining on your eyes"
I don't know if you are purposely trying to leave a few awkward words in to emphasize the title, but it does make it just that, awkward. I would definitely change it to "...in your eyes..."

"...bumping down up my body.."
Up, down, or up and down?

"And mine gets closer..."
Minor, but distracting. "get"

"...to say how I do.."
How you do what? How you are doing? How you do something in particular? Can you clarify this part a bit?

"And we won't gome home alone..."
Just a typo


"Your lips rip into a smile" Interesting and strong word-choice there. I wouldn't necessarily change it though. Somehow it keeps a more masculine tone to the whole picture.

I like it overall! I like that you convey the same message in the song as you do by posting it in the first place. Maybe just read over your work a bit more carefully (out loud often helps!).
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:iconsynmor:
=Synmor Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry, I didn't even realize that English is not your first language! Considering that, you did very well! I really thought they were just typos. Haha.
It's not terrible at all, the mistakes are very minor. The song itself, the message in it, is very good. It's just like a piece of wood that has been carved, but not sanded and polished. Everything is there, it just needs a little finishing.
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:icongabrielcavalcante:
~GabrielCavalcante Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
:O I got my first critic ever!!! *-* Also thank you for caring ^^

Well, I'm really no good with words... much more when I try to express my feelings in english. It happens that now days this is the only language I feel comfortable to write D: Writing in portuguese is way complicated. You see, wehave many (many, many, manyyyyyyyyy) rules and possibilities. I get lost e_e Writing prose in portuguese is not a big deal, but song lyrics...

I've been stopped on this song lyric thing for some time now and I lost all my ways to do it :( It was very hard to do this one indeed :'( And yeah, I know it is terrible :D

Glad you like it :) Also thanks for the hints :D
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