I don't really know if tomorrow we'll stand
I don't wanna know if today we're bad
Anyway I feel good with you
And everything is colorful around us
I see a strange glow shining on your eyes
I feel a wave bumping down up my body
Your lips rip into a smile
And mine gets closer, so they can be one
(Chorus)
I'm not the kind of guy to write love songs
I'm not the kind of person who says "I love you"
You're that kind of guy that couldn't turn me on
So who can tell me why I shiver when you're gone?
I used to think I was good with words
I've imagined a million ways to say how I do
When it comes to you I lost all senses
And all I can feel is the power of your voice
Many times before I could say "I hate you"
But many times before I thought "that's not true"
Wish I could find a way to prove you all this
But I'm no good with this kind of thing
So I hope you trust me
(Chorus)
I'm not the kind of guy to write love songs
I'm not the kind of person to say "I love you"
You're that kind of guy that couldn't turn me on
So who can tell me why I shiver when you're gone?
I know the day will come
And we won't go home alone
And I know that day may not come
But while I can I'll dream of you
Second stanza "..shining on your eyes"
I don't know if you are purposely trying to leave a few awkward words in to emphasize the title, but it does make it just that, awkward. I would definitely change it to "...in your eyes..."
"...bumping down up my body.."
Up, down, or up and down?
"And mine gets closer..."
Minor, but distracting. "get"
"...to say how I do.."
How you do what? How you are doing? How you do something in particular? Can you clarify this part a bit?
"And we won't gome home alone..."
Just a typo
"Your lips rip into a smile" Interesting and strong word-choice there. I wouldn't necessarily change it though. Somehow it keeps a more masculine tone to the whole picture.
I like it overall! I like that you convey the same message in the song as you do by posting it in the first place. Maybe just read over your work a bit more carefully (out loud often helps!).
It's not terrible at all, the mistakes are very minor. The song itself, the message in it, is very good. It's just like a piece of wood that has been carved, but not sanded and polished. Everything is there, it just needs a little finishing.
Well, I'm really no good with words... much more when I try to express my feelings in english. It happens that now days this is the only language I feel comfortable to write D: Writing in portuguese is way complicated. You see, wehave many (many, many, manyyyyyyyyy) rules and possibilities. I get lost e_e Writing prose in portuguese is not a big deal, but song lyrics...
I've been stopped on this song lyric thing for some time now and I lost all my ways to do it
Glad you like it